I was casually scrolling through my oldest Google photos looking for a memory to share with you. Something funny, uplifting or incredibly adorable.

Instead, I found a picture of my mom taken less then 2 months before her death. This photo has been residing in my Google Drive for 14 1/2 years and yet I don’t recall ever really “seeing” it.

We are in Alexandria, Va at my folks’ home celebrating mom’s 75th birthday. Mom had been fighting multiple myeloma for 5 years.

I look at the photo, at this one moment captured so long ago. As I zoom in on mom’s face, my heart begins to ache with familiarity. I know that face. I can feel the depth of her sorrow, the knowledge that soon she won’t be around to “see how it all turns out.” Those were mom’s words and the reason she endured years of chemo and radiation, profound weight loss and overwhelming pain.

Why had I not seen it before? Perhaps I am being too dramatic. Perhaps my memory is skewed by time.

Most likely, it is only now, as I fight my own insidious cancer, it is only now that I can truly empathize with her.

I recognize the glazed, tear filled eyes, the lips, pulled tightly to control her tears, the complex emotions she is struggling to control.

This photo is rare. Most pictures of mom show her smiling …putting on a brave face. This photo is truth. This photo hits home.

I had a good cry writing that piece At first, the photo seemed too personal to share…Maybe only with my sister. ? But then, I looked deeper into my mother’s eyes …and knew she still had things to say.

And now for the adorable pet picture

My friend,Lisa, is one of the most well traveled people I know. And so is her rescue dog, Tucker. This little chihuahua mix has his own set of headphones to protect his delicate ears when they travel by plane or boat. Tucker has visited more places than most dogs and lots of humans. Yet he remains humble.

He remembers his life before Lisa. Just 8 months old …Hit by a car, leg broken, Animal Service Officer, operation and foster home.

We know each other, Tucker and me. I was his foster mom for 3 months. We have shared trauma memories that turned into happy ones and each time we meet, he remembers 10 years ago and he barks gleefully, dancing around the garden, head held high and tail a wagging.

Lovely Lisa (a fellow journal reader) was recently in Vietnam where she saw this beautiful kimono and thought of me. I’ll wear it tonight!