Today, I thought I would share a letter from my mother that I received on May 21, 1980. The letter was titled “On Being 21.” I believe that mom’s messages to me in this beautifully written letter are timeless and apply to all of us whatever age we are. Have a read.

I had to do it myself … a 21st birthday card is too important an undertaking to trust to the likes of Hallmark and Company. So here goes.

I was scared when I reach the 21st milestone. I remember thinking that I was officially an adult now and felt the pressure of adult undertakings, achievements, modes of thoughts, behavior, patterns, waiting to fall on my shoulders – shoulders that seemed to still be 16. Well, dear Debra, allow me to let you in on a secret. There’s absolutely no reason to grow up or to become an adult just because you reach a number… An arbitrary one at that. Why on Saturn, you’d be only four by now. I’m hoping that you will keep, hang onto, the special traits that make Debra exciting, changeable, open, giving, loving person you are. And that you continue your growing, opening yourself to new experiences, new people, different ways of doing things, new ways of looking at the world, different perspective when viewing old experiences.

There is no guarantee that 21 will bring happiness. It will probably be a bit uncomfortable, because periods of growth are always uncomfortable. I imagine that those of us who do not fossilize are a lot like a butterfly. We are never completely finished but evolve from Stage to Stage. I find that just when I am getting nice and comfortable in anyone role that I choose to play in life, the skin gets itchy. I feel like scratching against the nearest tree. (this is the part that hurts.) – – Becoming is not happiness, but at least it’s interesting. Boring is horrible. Learning new ways of being, seeing , living, giving and taking from this world of wonderful animals, plants, people, rocks and rivers, books and ideas, will keep you from being boring to yourself, with whom you are doomed to live out eternity.

You have already taken some very positive steps in getting yourself to become the best Debbie possible. I have always valued the spirit in you, that would try new roads, even when they are a bit out-of-the-way, maybe dangerous or unpredictable. If you follow well worn paths where many have gone before, it is safer, and may be happier, but how it helps one to grow to be truly oneself and not programmed when one finds a path to call one’s own and follows it if it satisfies. (But is not too stubborn to detour or take a side trip if the original choice is not feeling good.)

More philosophy, for mother… In regards to happiness. To feel truly good about life is a matter of waking up, caring about something or someone. As for example, caring about your pet, your friend, your running, a child, nature. It’s a matter of doing something – – exercising the muscles, the brain, doing work. Painting, rearranging, cleaning, taking some photographs, writing. It’s a matter of having something to look forward to each day. Happiness is a matter of private enterprise. One person, caring, one person doing, one person planning and hoping. No one unfortunately can do this for us. No one can teach us how to care for creatures, the world we live in, ourselves, the work we choose to do, the work we find ourselves having to do. But practice helps. No one, I believe can suffer for us – – can vicariously atone for us – – no matter how much they love us. No one can keep us from being bored or amuse us indefinitely or help us to live happily ever after.

However, on the road to becoming, it is a blessing to be able to find fellow travelers with whom we can swap tales, recharge the batteries by coming in contact with positive energy. It is so hard to understand our fellow beings, but it happens once in a while for a while, and it feels so good to be able to get close, for a time to another. I believe it is important to know how rare this is and to cherish and value such experiences, whenever, and for whatever time it is met with.

So, my birthday girl, let us now briefly discourse on the parts of you that make up the Deb– – the blood vessels, heart, organs, systems, skin, hair, teeth, nails, and other bits and pieces .. To wit, nourish your body, care for the parts, so they are in tune and you can pick up all that is experienced as reality. Check your eyes if things are getting blurry, check your diet if you are becoming quarrelsome or the nails are weak or the stamina is going. Get yourself a physical check in honor of this year, complete and let me know how everything goes. Teeth, eyes, ears, etc. OK? I have found that what I sometimes experienced as problems with the universe or even the family turned out to be a need for some internal adjustment of me or eyeglasses or change in diet. I am looking forward to hearing from you. I know that your celebrations will be fun and I’m sending my best vibrations out over the mountains to join in a universal song. Happy birthday to my very special girl.