I drove myself to get some fluids this morning   I continue to feel weak, but fortunately don’t have any pain. The thrush has retreated so that’s good news. I am scheduled for the third chemo treatment next Tuesday. Dr Berry  said that I can skip it so I can be in top form for the trip to DC. He advised we play it by ear, so I’ll wait a few days before making a final decision.  I really appreciate his concern for my quality of life (QOL)  At the same time, Hans and I wonder what the trade-off is for delaying treatment just as we wonder what the trade-off is for decreasing the dosage of the nasty chemo drug. I’m not sure if the doctor has an answer, but I will ask him. 

Being  cognizant of and  taking some control of your quality of life is important for everyone. I see friends and family struggle with a tremendous amount of self induced stress.  I have had such great conversations with them only to hang up and marvel at their stress level. SO if you’re reading this and recognize yourself,  yes I’m talking about  YOU!

Obviously,there is stress that we can’t avoid, but we can all improve our quality of life by reducing the stress that we CAN control.

To identify your sources of stress, take inventory of your habits, attitude, and excuses:

• Do you explain away stress as temporary even though you can’t remember the last time you felt relaxed?
• Do you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life or as a part of your personality?
• Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely normal and unexceptional?

Until you accept responsibility for the role YOU play in creating or maintaining it, your stress level will remain out of  your control.

I personally like to think of the four A’s: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept.

Do you agree that You can control stress? Here are some suggestions to do so in no particular order…

• If you Feel overwhelmed and need help, ask for it.  For me, it was and still is hard to take my foot off the gas. If you are lucky enough to have backup, let them drive once in awhile.  This works equally well for spouses, friends, relatives, etc. I find that people do want to help, but they most often need to be guided. Take turns with your partner carrying the load. Hopefully you’ll have a long life together and be able to shift the burden throughout it When necessary.
• Spend your money to solve problems if you can. You can also barter services with people. You’ll both come out ahead. 🙂
• Surround yourself with positive people. Conversely, limit your time with people who bring only negative energy, and who, as my girlfriend, Bunny would say “suck the air out of the room”. 

• Learn to say, no! This particular advice is something I had to learn as a young mom . I was very involved in my kids’ schools and constantly getting phone calls to send in this or that food or chair a committee or be a class mom or run a fundraiser.  I had noticed that when men say no, they just say no. When women say, no, they provide a lengthy explanation about why they are unable to help. ( I would love to help, but my sisters brothers cousins dog is getting an operation tomorrow.)One day, when a fellow mom called to ask me for something, I merely said that I was unable to do so, and then shut my mouth. There was an uncomfortable silence as she waited for me to give her all the reasons why I could not do it. I remained mute and finally she said oh OK thank you anyway.  Let’s  be honest, when we are seeking  help and hear the word  NO, we’re ready to move on as quickly as possible to resume our search.  All in all, I think this is a useful strategy. Try it and see😉
• Which leads to ..
• Realize that you are not the only person who can do things, and that if you don’t do it, someone else will. This is not to say that you should withdraw and become selfish, but you do need to protect your stress level. BALANCE 
• Set realistic goals. Somethings just don’t need to be done right now.  It’s always interesting when someone is pushing for a timetable. If you take time to dissect their request, Very often you can make a more palatable plan that will work out for everyone. This was especially true for my dad, whose language of love was “service.” Dad would come up with the most laborious and time-consuming ways of getting things done. My sister brother, and I learned to suggest alternates.  

• Take breaks from watching, reading, or listening to news stories, including social media.  Hearing, seeing, reading  about traumatic events (or for me politics) 🥴constantly can be upsetting. Consider limiting news and disconnecting from phone, tv, and computer screens for a while. 

• Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise, get plenty of sleep, and give yourself a break if you feel stressed out.
• Take care of your body.
  • Take deep breaths, stretch, meditate  
  • Talk to those you trust about your concerns and how you are feeling. Share your problems and how you are feeling and coping with a parent, friend, counselor, doctor, or pastor.  On a personal note, thanks to this journal, I am able to share my truth, and I have received a lot of support by doing so.
• Avoid excess drugs and alcohol. You can’t drink or smoke yourself out of the stress , at least not in the long run. I’m not against a short time buzz but you get the drift. The stress will be waiting for you when your buzz fades, so don’t hide from it…

Some sources of stress are unavoidable like  the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a recession. Believe me….I get it!  Sometimes, we have to accept things as they are instead of railing against a situation we can’t change. In those cases, we just have to develop some coping strategies don’t we? 

Many things in life are beyond our control, particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out, focus on the things you can control — like the  way you choose to react! I can already hear all of the “Yeah, buts”out there. Your inclination is to give me a long long list of all of the wrongs these people did to you. Just by doing so, you’ve stirred up the negative pot and wasted precious time on bullshit. Sorry to be so blunt, but that’s really what it is.  Learning to control the way we react takes work… There’s no doubt about it. But protecting our positive space is worth the effort!    My sister and I have talked a lot on the subject of how we react to people and/or situations and we agree that it is not always easy to “let shit go”. There are many times instead when we want to bemoan the fairness of things.  Or maybe wallow in disappointment about someone who is acting exactly like they’ve always acted. Why do we continue to be surprised? Judith and I have decided to try to let it roll off our backs.   It’s incredibly liberating to let shit go!🥳. 

 I read the above entry about QOL etc  aloud to Hans. He feels that I am preachy… telling people what they should and should not do. (I told him he should not tell me that I’m preachy ha ha)

I hope his view is not the general consensus. I journal to share my journey through this particularly challenging time in my life and to share things that I am learning or have learned over my  63 years. The take away is always, of course, completely up to you.