Today is the day before the laparoscopic surgery. I think I’ve been doing relatively well holding back the anxiety for tomorrow’s surgery. From the little that I’ve read, it doesn’t seem like a particularly invasive surgery and should be outpatient. What is unknown is  how I recover from the surgery but more importantly, what the biopsy and little peek in my stomach says about my future. I have no control over it at this point, so I am not stressing.

I want to talk about the importance of controlling what you can and letting go of the rest. That’s a big deal, especially for type A’s like me! 🙂 

Anyway you’ve heard me talk about kicking the can down the road and I think that’s a good analogy for what we’re doing here. Treat, assess,  treat, assess,  treat until you can’t treat anymore. What we don’t know is how long we can keep kicking the cancer can and what I will look like and feel like at the the  inevitable end of my personal fight against cancer.  

For me, the future right now holds the answer to how/if  I can live with cancer. I think I’m gonna need help from them cancer survivors if we get bad news and have to face it head on. This morning I’m just going to lay in bed for a little while and have a pity party. Haven’t cried for a while and I think it’s time.

On a side note, I called a friend of mine who does dog training for service dogs and  we made an appointment for October 15 for her to evaluate Baxter. He is a very people-oriented dog and I think he’ll do well helping me stand up and do other balance related activities. He already walks up the stairs with me and let’s me lean on him if I need to. I know that command is called “brace“. More on this next month!