A sister’s nightmare

Written by my sister, Judith

I was in bad shape and drugged up during my hospital stay, so I’ve asked my older sister to fill in the details from her perspective…..

I get up and have a text from Hans.  He is not a morning person, so this can’t be good.  It’s not.  Deb was in terrible pain last night and vomiting constantly, so he took her to the hospital.  They gave her morphine for the pain and installed a tube through her nose to her stomach.  Hans was heading out to the hospital to discuss whether surgery was needed to remove blockage. I ask him what I can do and he says nothing right now.  I sleepwalk through the day, knowing I need to stay out of Hans’ hair and can do nothing until I hear further.  It is extremely hard.  Like Deb, when adversity strikes, I want to make a plan and start executing.  Sitting and waiting is brutal.  

Hans and I talk late in the day.  The nose tube thing didn’t result in getting much of anything out so they are just in watch and wait mood.  Deb is groggy from the morphine.  Hans and I agree to go see her together tomorrow.  

Deb is supposed to start chemo later this week.  I don’t want to think about the consequences of having to delay her treatment in what already is a race against the clock.  That night, I dream the entire family stands in a circle around Deb and we each agree to take on a part of the pain.  She rises within a circle of light.