Before I share my sad and scary, let’s start the day off with a smile.

It’s Abby time! Our littlest tribe member persuaded her parents that spring break in Asheville, North Carolina, was well worth the 9-10 hours in the car. She probably promised them she wouldn’t cry or carry on. All I know is that the 4 of them (Tripp is always up for adventure) made it to their northern retreat and sent the following adorable pictures.

The update was a lovely distraction for your truly. I needed a lovely distraction because

I made an important decision last night. I skipped my chemo pills. I skipped the two for this morning too.

Don’t worry…I have alerted the authorities. Spoke to Michelle, the care nurse this morning and left word at Dr Berry’s office.

Here’s my thinking. If the maintenance chemo is making me suffer and offers no clear treatment of my peritoneal disease, then why do it?

To better understand my reasoning, I’ll have to introduce you to a new, complex character. But first, let’s review our well known cast of Cancer characters

You’ve met Thing One, the imp guarding the valve on my right side. His insidious sister, Thing Two. plays offensive on my left side. Eleven chemo sessions later, we’ve slowed the Things’ growth down and shrunk them quite a bit. Yet, despite our best efforts, the devilish duo are still present and hoping to continue making digestion difficult.

Our defenses against these trouble makers have been hampered by the fact that the Things are genetically different from each other. fact. You heard me right— Although they share common goals, right-Sided and Left-Sided Colon Cancers are Two Distinct Disease entities.

Here’s the fancy speak on that subject. Cancers arising from different regions of the colorectum are clinically and molecularly distinct. Right-sided tumors arise embryologically from the midgut. Left-sided tumors, arise from the hindgut. Vascular support systems are also unique according to location, with the left and right sides of the colon supported by the inferior and superior mesenteric arteries, respectively. Left-sided and right-sided colorectal cancers (CRCs) differ extensively in terms of gene expression, DNA mutations, and methylation profile. Clinically, left-sided and right-sided CRCs differ in epidemiologic trends and outcomes. Approximately two-thirds of sporadic colon cancers are left-sided and one-third are right-sided and follow different carcinogenic pathways. The differences in embryonic origin, vascular and nervous supplies, microbiotic burden, and main physiological functions of left and right colons, tumor location is increasingly suggested to dictate tumor behavior affecting pathology, progression and prognosis.

In case you choose to skim over the paragraph above….. the Bottom line is that attacking T1 and T2 is complicated!

And let’s not forget Flathead! My laparoscopy in May introduced Flathead, the tumor whose flounder-like shape eludes scans. Friggin’ Flathead is alive and well as evidenced by February’s laparoscopic surgery. My surgeon says FF would potentially cause uncontrollable bleeding during surgery and so has taken that option off the table. Well played Flathead … you fucker!

Then there’s my swollen tummy. My cancer has spread to the tissue that lines my abdomen (peritoneum). The swelling is due to a build up of fluid called ascites. It makes my clothes feel tighter, my tummy feel bloated and it is difficult to sit comfortably or to move around.

Ascites is the buildup of fluid in the abdomen. The peritoneum is a membrane that surrounds the organs inside the abdomen that makes ascitic fluid. This fluid is normal in the body, but cancer can cause the peritoneum to produce too much of this fluid. This is called “malignant ascites” and it is often a sign of advanced cancer.

I’ve named the conglomerate in my peritoneum. Their name is Gutz.

Gutz is not happy. They are making their displeasure known by pinching and prodding and splashing great waves across the vessel that has become their familiar domain. They retreat and settle back…sink into the membrane that lines the cavity of their host’s abdomen and covers her abdominal organs.

The human rolls on her side and moans. Although she had no intention to do so, this human has hosted Gutz for over a year already, a year of growth and expansion. And Gutz is greedy. They will be only be satisfied with complete domination. Even if it kills them….which, of course, it ultimately must.

“ How could you?”you might be screaming. going from sweet baby Abigail news to nightmare inducing Gutz! Have you no humanity?

Well as Lynn Anderson sang in her 1970’s hit song

I beg your pardon

I never promised you a rose garden

Along with the sunshine

There’s gotta be a little rain sometime

When you take you gotta give so live and let live or let go

Oh-whoa-whoa-whoa

I beg your pardon

I never promised you a rose garden