Yesterday I had lunch with Sue.  After we finished eating the delicious Thai food, she handed me an envelope with my name on it. She adked to read it later. She said it might make me cry, or it might make me feel good, but she thought that it would be good for me to have.

Hans and I read the three pages she had printed off her computer together and we were both touched that she would take the time to do it. I’ll share the article with you   I’ve shortened the narrative but you’ll get the feel ….

to Deb 

with much love from Sue. 

This article was in the December 4 paper and I see so much of this in the way you are handling your cancer that I have to give it to you to read and reflect on. The things you are doing, and saying, so closely resemble what this man are remarkable, and I admire you for what you are doing…. Embracing acceptance. If I am faced with the same challenges that you are in the future, you will be my inspiration to do the same and face each day with “Doobie, Doobie Doo” (you will understand at the end of the article) 

Now you can understand why I love Sue so much. 

Anyway, here are the excerpts from the article: 

I have months to live. Here’s how I embraced acceptance. “You have many months to live” my palliative care doctor told me recently. She must’ve thought that was more polite than saying less than a year. I have finally advanced to the stage predicted by my oncologist, who said seven years ago “I’m thinking years not months.”

He goes on to describe all of the procedures and chemo that he endured. And to impress upon us that it’s imperative to share your feelings with someone you love, and secondly, although  cancer ravaged him physically, it cured his small mental stresses. He asked himself if he was happier before cancer, and the answer was “not much“ He explained “before cancer I found many reasons to be unhappy—stagnant business, family arguments, unfriendly, neighbors. it took a tragedy to realize that I was wasting energy on things that were either unimportant or uncontrollable. “

Third, Cancer doesn’t have to be all-consuming.

He appreciated the second week after treatment when life was good, and learned to live for that second week. Lastly, he says that he has cycled through all the treatments, spent his holidays in the hospital and suffered debilitating pain. He was playing the cancer edition of whack-a-mole, where a pesky creatures, (tumors) emerge faster and faster until they finally overwhelm you, but overtime, he adds that he learned to enjoy daily walks, attend his children’s graduations, and spend quality time with his family. 

Wow… this is hard to read without crying, 

I love his discription of tumors as “pesky creatures” Similarly, I named mine.  Thing one, thing two and flathead. 

These satisfying moments are now accompanied by wistfulness about unreachable milestones, such as walking my daughter down the aisle, meeting my grandchildren and taking care of his wife when she needs him but seven years of practicing acceptance has taught him not to lament what he cannot do but to ask what he can “do“ with the limited time that remains. Ironically, he found the answer emblazoned on an old sweatshirt he had.

He ends the letter with the following. 

 I am content and thankful to join Socrates. For the rest of my life, just “to be“ is enough for me!

I just called Sue to thank her for giving this article to me. She asked my permission to get me a T-shirt that says Do-be-do-be-do.   I eagerly await the tee!