I have just finished a marathon. I tried on and accessorized my outfits for the DC trip next week.  It was fun to play with fall colors.  All the outfits feature green and crème.  For the memorial , I’ll wear all black with a scarf that is the American flag.  The scarf was given to me by my mom.  It is the perfect accessory because now I am bringing a bit of my mom to the memorial.  

I sent this text to the group called My Kiddos. (Jake and Krista, Brenden and Claire, and Zachary and Caro.)

I was putting my outfits together for the trip and found a scarf from my mom. Its an American Flag scarf so it is perfect for the ocassion. Plus I’m Bringing a memory of your grandma to the memorial   If you have something  to bring with a memory, please bring it and share.  I am  bringing memories for the women.  More on this later. 

I just got off the phone with my brother, Rick.  He called to tell me that my sister-in-law, Renee is going to need to have some stents put into her heart. Renee has fought all kinds of debilitating conditions for so many years and she is just the sweetest woman you would ever want to meet. Anyway, he said guess what the only date they have open for her preop appointment is. Yep, it’s the day of dad’s memorial.  Of course !  Anyway, I assured him that we would work around their schedule as much as possible so that we can spend time together.

The following was experienced and written after the medical marijuana kicked in  …you’ll understand when you start to read it

I had an interesting, maybe even a profound realization when I was looking in the mirror. I’m staring at myself intently in the mirror, and At once I Understand  that I’ve been physically transformed. If you don’t believe me, go back to the first page of my journal and look at me on the day before I was diagnosed. 

Without being conceited , I believe that 

I look good.  And maybe better than I’ve looked for a long, long time. Now ,that’s crazy because obviously I look good because I have cancer but nevertheless, I’m struck at how good my hair looks and how the wrinkles have disappeared and my skin has turned into baby soft skin.  I am between a size 2 and 4, so clothes just look good. With a body this small, but still having boobs, I can wear all kinds of styles.  

These are good days.

Of course, the transformation is not only physical. My entire life has been transformed but in a good way, that’s really crazy and kind of fucked up but true.  I live for each day to the fullest, I connect with all the people I love, and they connect with me. These are good days. 

The aspects of the transformation that are harder to face are the limitation that I have now. Physically I am unable to take long walks…Pain of some sort is a  surety each day 

So I have adapted.  Slowed down.  These are  good days. 

Apparently I have used up all the attachments I’m allowed, so I’m going to now and this note and start apart too. I will reinvite everyone for part 2….let me know if you can’t open it Please