Tears are streaming down my face, (hopefully washing away the persistent glitter remaining from my costume makeup last night). 

 I received a text today that forces me to face the reality of fighting cancer.  Despite a cheerful mantra of One Day at a Time, sometimes I visit various potential futures and it can be quite overwhelming.  I am sure you noticed my deliberate attempts to stay in the present and remain positive and cheerful.  Sometimes it is just not possible when the death of someone we know fills us with sadness and reminds us of our own mortality.  Such is the case this morning.  

On May 20th, I received a phone call from Susan Stickle, a woman I knew from High School.  She had read my Facebook post about my diagnosis and reached out with advise and commiseration . Susan shared the medicines that had been helping her cope during her 3 year struggle with cancer.  She never indulged in self pity or regret. She did confess that she had ignored her symptoms for a long time (blood in her stool, weakness etc.) and had chalked it up to stress from caring for her ailing parents and going through a divorce. By the time Susan was diagnosed, the cancer had spread from her colon to her other organs.  In her texts, Susan  encouraged me to “Stay in touch, don’t hesitate to ask me for  anything and FIGHT.”

Another text revealed “Some days it’s impossible to eat.  I had chemo last Tuesday and ate a lot and Wednesday too. But, Thursday thru yesterday, just not feeling it.  Today I’m back on track and trying my best”.  She texted me again on June 25th…” I’m down to 97 pounds.  Lost a lot of weight so now on TPN which is a nutritional  IV I connect to almost every night.  Things are not great right now, looking into clinical trails at this point.  Plz keep me in ur prayers and I have u r right here.  Saying prayers for best outcome. “

I last texted Susan on October 7th.  Today I received a text from another high school alumni informing me that Susan passed away this morning at 9:55 am.  Mary Ann was with Susan along with her 3 boys and a close friend.  She texted me that information along with “No more suffering for her, Thank God!” 

I am thrown for a loop and need time to process and unpack the emotions I am feeling.

I told Hans what happened and how  it was affecting me …we were able to talk about Susan’s death and my/our feelings enough for me to grieve both Susan and myself. And long enough to realize that I needed to go back to 

ONE DAY AT A TIME” right away! 

Just in time for a visit from super baby, Abby and her parents. We went to lunch  at Reef House Grill. As you know, Abby is now six months old so her parents are embarking on a food quest to get her eating solid food -/basically anything other than formula will do 🙂  

They’ve  had no luck before today. But when Gamma here slid a big sweet potato fry over to Abby, as the over 300 pictures that Claire took will attest, she continued to sample the sweet potato fry. Needless to say, both parents were thrilled and declared it a milestone ☺️

As we were packing up Abby’s stroller, portable high chair etc, Brenden  remarked that he regretted  that we could only meet once or twice a week. He reminded me that during the summer he came every other day. I turned around and said “ why, did you think I was dying? “ He looked at me and shook his head sadly …yeah he said.  

Is it odd that didn’t occur to me?

Later, when I discussed it with Hans, he thought it was obvious that the boys thought I was dying. 

Did you think I was dying? I asked    “No,” He said.

Neither did I   …….Did I ?

Abby eats! Kinda…

On a less serious note, I had a very funny moment with Claire this afternoon. Before I explain, I want to give you some background. 

Brenden was in his mid-20s and working for the non profit City Year as a teacher in economically disadvantaged schools in DC.  He finished his assignment and was moving to Florida to pursue teaching at public schools. He really didn’t know anyone in this part of Florida.

At the same time, I was putting in about 40-60 hours of volunteer work each week as  the marketing Director for Animal Network and volunteering at Manatee County Animal Services. 

One of the things that I had the skill set and desire to do was to create awareness about rescue pets and encourage adoptions and spay/ neuter. While I was at Manatee County Animal Services, I often met with  a young reporter from the Bradenton Herald. One day, kind of out of the blue actually, I looked at her while she was talking and had a thought. I thought, “this girl would be great with my Brenden.“

So just like a shadchanit (Jewish matchmaker) I called Claire the following day. 

Hi Claire I said this is Debra Starr from the shelter. I have a weird question for you …OK she said go ahead. ….How old are you? ….I’m 25 she said. …….Second question, do you have a boyfriend? ……No I don’t she said. 

I proceeded to invite her to dinner to meet Brenden and she was very amenable. 

The night of our triple date, Brenden said he was not going to go and was embarrassed. It’s a business dinner he said I don’t want to intrude. I assured him that it was very clear that it was not a business meeting but a chance for them to meet.  The two introverts met and fast forward through an engagement, a wedding, buying their first house and having a baby together.  

So, the funny moment today was when Claire and I realized how similar we are. She said.. well you know that they say boys marry their mother. It occurred to me that maybe I picked her because she was so much like me. At any rate, their marriage seems to be working wonderfully. Brenden recently told me he could not believe how much in love he was with Claire and Abby. Well done me 🙂

By the way, from my two minutes search on Google, I found the following

It’s often been said that men marry their mothers and women marry their fathers. Now researchers have found that the observation has more than a little truth to it. Up to two-thirds of men may have unwittingly fallen in love with a woman very similar to their mother, a study suggests.Apr 15, 2019

And this. 

A recent study by eHarmony has found that 64 percent of men are in a relationship with I someone who shares significant personality traits with their mother dearest. Fortunately, it’s totally normal from an evolutionary, psychological standpoint.May 1, 2021. 

Phew!

I’ve retired early tonight. No poops for days despite my good old MiraLAX and I think it’s catching up to me. Heating pad is on, stool softener is swallowed and now I wait.