Hopefully a long running series

First of all, let me say my partner of 15 years absolutely hates this title. Unlike me, he hasn’t reached a point where any of this is remotely funny. 

My kids and I are another story. We share a love of dark humor and they understand the need for humor in this challenging time in my life. 

And secondly, face it…we are ALL dying.  Some of us just get a better idea of when and how that will happen. 

We rarely talk about death in our society. A hundred years back, it was part of daily life, but today, until it becomes personal,  we tend to ignore its inevitability.  

Enough reflection for now.  Let me start at the beginning, exactly 4 months ago.   

The Big Reveal

You know the part in the movie where the doctor comes in the room and sits down quietly next to the waiting patient, leans a little forward and says, “it’s never easy to give someone news like this”? Well, that’s what happened to me today.

Thinking I was just getting a CT scan to identify gastritis or diverticulitis or something kind of it is, I drove  myself to get a CT scan in nearby St. Petersburg.  

A few hours later,  I was floating above myself looking down and watching this doctor tell me that I have stage four colon cancer. Tears streamed into my mask and down my cheeks dripping  on my gown.

I somehow managed to get home having delivered the news through great sobs to my partner of 15 years, Hans,  on the cell phone in the parking lot.  Tears continued to stream down my face, but I somehow managed to get home in one piece.

Hans and I  spent the rest of the day crying and hugging and sobbing and thinking the worst.   

Sung to Sitting on the Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding 

Lying in the CT scan
Thinking bout the pains I’ve had
Trying to relax my brain
Thinking lying here is not so bad yeah

Lying  in the CT scan
It’s OK it’s OK

I drove myself this morning
Wondering what is going on with me
Though I did my online  research
I still have no idea what it could be

So I’m sitting in the room  and waiting 
For the news 

Now I’m sitting in the cold room waiting
For the doctor to come in and say
Nothing to worry about darling. 
Take these pills and go away.

So I’m sitting in the room  and waiting 
For the news. 

Suddenly my whole life changes 
Although there had been no clues
Doc says that it’s never easy
To tell someone this news
Ok
Sitting here still in shock
In the car in the parking lot
Words spill out as I cry
And tell Hans that I might die

Now I’m just sitting in the parking lot 
Crying hard. 

In the mist of this life-changing event, on the very same day, another life-changing event happened . My granddaughter Abigail Jodie Craigmile was born.

We celebrated with my son and daughter-in-law over the weekend, marveling at what a perfect perfect gift she was. My cancer diagnosis was temporarily pushed to the side.